Wharf Theatre

Friday 29th January to Saturday 6th February at 7.30pm

by Ben Elton
Directed by David Thompson

Doris Wallis is the queen of the tabloid press and in her own words 'a nasty cow who slaughters sacred cows'.  Bitchy, brassy and bolshie, she writes a venomous TV column that specializes in slagging off celebrities.  So poisonous that - as she tells her mousy secretary, Peggy - 'bogeymen get scared imagining me under their beds'.  Her bitchiness is her career and her career is on the way up.  On the verge of a glorious venture into TV, she's not going to let anyone get in her way, not even the 'silly talentless old cow' who is currently suing her for libel.  And any other skeletons she may have in her cupboard are (like her bondage gear) firmly locked up, or so she thinks...

Today should be the most important day in Doris's life, though sadly it's time for a little retribution.  Mr Elton takes us on a bare knuckle ride through his simple yet ingenious satirical comedy that is populated with oddballs and misfits, and packed with razor sharp and very cheeky dialogue.

Contains some adult humour

Check our more images in the Photo Gallery

Tickets £7 & £8, booking from 4th January 2010

To all members and supporters of the Wharf Theatre:

The Theatre is run entirely by volunteers and, if you don't fancy acting on stage, there are always lots of opportunities for you to help out with vital and rewarding responsibilities off the stage, both behind the scenes and in the Front of House.  Each performance requires normally around eleven volunteers to help run the box office, bar and refreshments, manage the stage, props and actors, run the lighting and sound effects required and carry out the essential duties of perfomance licencee.  In addition, there are numerous opportunites to help design, build and decorate sets, as well as to compose publicity material help with the distribution and management of publicity material (including the content of this website). 

If you enjoy theatre but do not want to appear on stage, why not double your enjoyment by joining one of our off-stage teams to help provide critical supporting skills that the Theatre needs.  Training is provided for these responsibilities, and you will not only meet similarly enthusiastic people but also become a valuable part of the Theatre family.

You do not need to be a member to come and have a look and to try out these tasks, although if you wish to pursue technical and back-stage work for productions you will ultimately require membership.  To find out more, please e-mail the Chairman or any of the Management team via the Contacts page.

Management Posts available soon:

The following posts are becoming available for Members in the near future:

Administrator

If you are interested in finding out more about these posts, please call or e-mail the Chairman on This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .  

...we need your help!

As we continue to expand our website, we need more and more information and pictures to help build up a great resource for everyone. If you have any information about, or pictures from, previous Wharf Productions, please send them to us! Email them to the webmaster: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . We'd also love to have any items of historical interest about the theatre.

Also, why not become a registered user of the Wharf Theatre Website. Stay up to date with exciting developments about the theatre's website and show your support for the theatre (please note that this facility is still being customised). But of course, why not become a full member? Contact Us for more information.